Saturday, May 1, 2021

What’s the #2 Reason You Can’t Find Love?

The ability to resolve conflict is a critical skill to have for any relationship.  What’s interesting is in studies, they found that couples in healthy relationships were more effective communicators and better able to resolve conflict in the workplace.  That means conflict resolution skills are transferrable.  Therefore, if you develop those skills at work, you will be able to

transfer them to your love life, or relationships with family and friends.  They will also come in handy at the local supermarket or on line at the motor vehicle when it is possible to encounter people who are easily annoyed.  

The secret to conflict resolution is almost never about the other person.  It is about the conflict you have with yourself.  In other words, conflict resolution is not about having smooth lines to remember that stop conflict.  While they may help in some instances, the essence of conflict resolution is the conflict you have within yourself when you encounter things you don’t like or things that get you upset. 

In mosts cases, what upsets you is not the event that is occurring in front of you.  It is what it reminds you of.  Think of times you met someone you did not like.  Then think of who they remind you of.  

The same happens when you are in a relationship and your significant other says something that reminds you of a situation you promised you would never allow in your life again.  For example, a wife sees her husband is speaking with another woman.  In the past, the wife loved a man who cheated.  In her mind, this is where cheating starts, with the man speaking with another woman.  She may be triggered and upset with her husband and he has no idea what happened.  Her upset is the result of a conflict with what is happening in the present and what happened in the past.  

The inability to resolved internal conflicts is a leading culprit for failed relationships.  In other cases, a woman may have never had a man cheat on her.  Except, she has been told so many times that all men cheat that she believes her husband is going to cheat simply because he had a conversation with another woman.  The fact of the matter is she has already presupposed her husband will cheat before she met him.  

As long as the conflict is in the wife, she will have a difficult time listening to her husband.  

What I’m saying is anytime you have a conflict within yourself about what is happening in front of you, you are the source of the conflict, not the other person.  So the inability to resolve conflict within yourself is one of the secrets to effective conflict resolution.   

If you effectively develop this skill, you will have a much easier time in your personal and professional life.  People who lack the skill will make toxic cultures in organizations and will constantly jump from one relationship to another with the same result.  

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