What’s the #27 Reason You Can’t Find Love?

The number 27 reason you can’t find love is a big one.  And it’s one that is swept under the rug.  All you have to do is ask people a simple question: What do you want in a relationship.  Most tell you what they

don’t want.  So they don’t actually answer the question. 

If you guessed the number 27 reason you can’t find love is that you don’t know what you want, you guessed correctly.  People will avoid the question by saying they will know it when they see it.  

Perhaps part of the reason most are unable to answer the question is because they don’t know what they offer.  If you go deeper, people don’t know what it takes to make a relationship work.  Imagine.  You don’t know what you offer nor do you know what it takes to make it work.  That’s a disaster waiting to explode.  This is why chemistry is such a big deal.  Chemistry is based on a momentary feeling.  Knowing what you want from a person and what you want in a relationship is the result of long term thinking. 

If you want to stump someone, ask them what they want.  While it is a simple question, they will squirm.  Some may attempt to answer by saying they want marriage and children.  Marriage is the result of a wedding.  That is a one day affair.  And children eventually leave.  So what kind of relationship will you have after the wedding?  What kind of relationship will you have before and after the children?  

Perhaps part of the problem is people have fantasies about relationships and they will never tell you about their Hollywood fantasy.  Plus they don’t want to be responsible for making that fantasy happen.  They expect the other person to do all the work.  They express that with the new buzzword.  They say relationships should be effortless.  Effortless means the other person puts in the effort and the relationship magically happens.  

Instead of using Hollywood and fairytales to measure what you want from a relationship, take an inventory of yourself.  Be realistic about who you are and who is a match for you.  Stay away from fantasies.  For example, if you want a well traveled person who speaks several languages and you have never left your neighborhood, you may not have enough to offer that kind of relationship.  What are you willing to be responsible for to have the relationship you want?  How are you willing to develop yourself into the person who can create the relationship you want?  Simply focusing on those 2 questions may get you closer to understanding what you want.

 I’ll be back with more.