The number 24 reason you can’t find love has a direct impact on your ability to know who is compatible with you. Most people have been taught to base compatibility on surface things, like favorite color, zodiac signs and common interests. They don’t realize your core value system is a major way to match people. And it is the reason manyarranged marriages work. Your parents and other family elders have a clearer understanding of your core values. Your core values usually reflect your family values. That’s a different topic though related.
If you guessed the number 24 reason you can’t find love is because you don’t know yourself as well as you think, you are on the money. You hear stories of people who are forced into solitary time. In the middle of that time, they gain major insight into themselves. They begin to recognize patterns in their life and why they consistently repeat those patterns. Before that solitary time, they may have been clueless.
For those who really want to discover self, it is best to take that journey with a guide who has tools they can impart to you. There are so many things you don’t know you don’t know about yourself. There are incidents that occurred when you were around five years old and your life is completely dominated by them at 60. In other words, the five year version of you is still running your life and you don’t know it. You believe this is just the way you are. However, you have never connected the dots to see that way of thinking or being is related to one incident.
When I work with clients, I help them uncover that one incident. They have such vivid memories of that day. The next step is to help them see how that single day in their life is still affecting how they make decisions.
Most people don’t have the tools to do this. Nor do they allocate time for it. While books can be very helpful, they don’t always get to the source of things. Speaking of books, I wrote one that provides tools to help people take such a journey. It focuses on getting to the source. At the same time, there is a lot of value when you have a live person who can guide you. People often misinterpret what they read. Likewise, they misinterpret what they hear or see. Those misinterpretations become a major catalyst for failed relationships. Hint: you could still be seeing or listening from that 5 year old.
Imagine the millions of relationships that failed only because of misunderstanding. When you combine misunderstanding with the lack of conflict resolution, it is a disaster in the making. What’s most interesting about misunderstanding is most people misunderstand themselves. It’s very interesting to watch a person over 25 or even 45 discover things about themselves after they have adamantly shouted they know themselves very well. This is the result of blind spots. And we all have them. They can sometimes serve as mental barriers.
One way to avoid failed relationships of any kind is to never believe you completely know yourself. Always be open to understanding something about yourself you could not have imagined. Living in unfamiliar environments can help you make those discoveries. Or being around people who are very different from you. Never stop learning.
For the record, once you know yourself, it becomes much easier to know who is compatible with you.
I’ll be back with more.