What’s the #32 Reason You Can’t Find Love?

Who Taught You About Relationships? 

The #32 reason you can’t find love is a little more complicated than the previous ones.  It requires you to take a hard look under the covers of your life.  Unfortunately, this is something most people do not enjoy doing.  

The number 32 reason you can’t find love is because you

never learned to learn.  A simpler way to put it is you never learned to think, especially to think for yourself.  

There is something called the Dunning Kruger Effect.  It is when people with average to above average IQs overestimate their intelligence.  And people with high IQs underestimate their intelligence.  Since the majority of the population has average to above average IQs, most people overestimate their intelligence and ability to think.  In other words, most people believe they know how to think.  They even believe it is a matter of semantics when you talk about the difference between thinking and having thoughts. 

Thinking is thinking that which you have never thought, experienced or heard.  Having thoughts is very different.  In fact, psychologists say for every 60 minutes we are awake, only five minutes are used thinking.  The other 55 minutes are used having thoughts or thoughting.  Thoughting is remembering that which we have heard, read, experienced, smelled or touched.  Through thoughts, we can rearrange those encounters in our minds and create new combinations.  However, they will be new combinations of things we already know about.  Thinking, on the other hand, dives into the unknown and uncertainty.  That makes thinking much more difficult than having thoughts.  

Our education system does not teach us to think. It teaches us to memorize someone else’s thinking.  Then we are rewarded for having thoughts about someone else’s thinking.  People who think actually disrupt thoughts of others.  Sometimes they disrupt thinking of others.  Disrupters often think that which was not thought.  

There is a quote:

Don Marquis: 'If you make people think they are thinking, they will love you; if you make them really think, they will hate you.

If you want more proof, most people repeat their childhood.  That is they repeat what your environment taught you.  For example, if your parents were not great communications and yelled at one another often, you will do the same in your relationships.  For you, that is normal behavior.  Whatever you experience in your home is part of your education.  In other words, you become your parents.  And this is how many relationships play out.  Look at children of divorced parents.  They either divorce or have mediocre relationships.  Home is the first place you receive an education.  And your parents’ relationship is your first and sometimes only education about relationships.  So it’s no surprise people repeat what they were taught.  They memorize what they saw at home and repeat it.  If you are from a single parent home, it can be worse, unless you learned to learn and think. 

If you had learned to learn, you would have learned to think for yourself, instead of repeating what you saw at home.  If you are wise, you understand the sense of urgency to unlearn what you have learned about relationships.  At the same time, there is the dilemma.  How can you unlearn if you never learned?  They gave you a way of doing things and rewarded you for memorizing, even for relationships.  Perhaps another way to put it is to unthink what you have been taught to thought, since you never learned to think.  

If you have made it this far in the video, there is a good chance you taught yourself to think.  Thank you.  The world needs more of you.  

For those of you who are honest and know you have not learned to think, thank you.  Today can be the fork in the road for you.  You can continue repeating what you were given to have thoughts about.  Or you can start your journey of unlearning and unthinking your thoughts.  

If you would like my support for creating that new paradigm, contact me on IG, FB, Linked-In or any other place you see me.  I can support that journey.  

Until next time, happy thinking.  It’s your life.  Only you have the right to choose what you think.  You never have to be stuck with the thoughts you were taught to memorize.  And extraordinary relationships are made by 2 people who think together, instead of repeating the path their parents put in front of them.