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Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Should You Give People a Second Chance?


People talk about second chances in various ways.  They say: “if I knew then what I know now.”  “If I had an opportunity to do things over.”  “Please give me a second chance.”  “Can we start over?”  The list goes on.  Most people actually believe they learn from their mistakes.  However, when you look closely, you see
history repeats itself. Why do most repeat the same pattern?  They approach second chances with a first chance mindset.

Two easy examples are the divorce rate and criminal behavior. The divorce rate for first time marriages in the US is almost 50%.  For second marriages, the rate is 67% and third is 74%. When it comes to the recidivism rate for criminal offenders, 47% for federal and 77% for state prisoners are arrested again.  As you can see, second chances do not always mean you learned from your mistakes.  So why do people ask for second chances?



Many people can tell you they learned what “not to do”.  Except, they fail to realize that learning what “not to do” does not mean you know “what to do”.  The list of things “to not do” can be infinite.  You only need one item on the list of things “to do” to make things work.  Because the brain can get stuck with repeating patterns, learning from mistakes is not necessarily the best way to learn. 

In previous articles and videos, I spoke about neuroplasticity.  When you learn something new, your brain looks for common ground.  That way the new concept can be understood based on what you already know.  You are comfortable when you learn something that is different, yet familiar.  Therefore, everything we learn is neatly placed in neuropaths that already contain lots of knowledge and information.  The problem is your brain cannot determine if the knowledge you have is true or false.  When people believed the earth was the center of the universe, they made all planetary calculations based on that belief.  If you believe the world is dangerous, everything you learn will be placed on top of that belief and you will believe you have to constantly protect yourself from danger, even when there is none.  That alone will cause you to say and do things that are inappropriate.  In many cases, that can cause you to sabotage any situation no matter how many chances you get.   

With neuroplasticity, you learn new ideas that most likely have no relationship to what you already know.  As a result, you are likely to encounter confusion, frustration and uncertainty.  The outcome of that path can literally be a headache.  And most will avoid learning something that will give them a headache.  They will discard the new and return to old neuropaths that are familiar to them. 

Tiger Woods is a great example of a person who learned something new.  During his prime, he changed his golf swing several times.  He had to retrain his brain and body to think and move differently.  In the beginning of the new swing, the performance of his game decreased.  When he mastered the new swing, he was back on top. 

Most people lack the tolerance Tiger Woods had.  The fact society has become a microwave mindset – everyone wants results instantly – is an indication that people quickly return to the mindset that caused failure in the first place.  In their mind, this time they will do it a little differently.  That amounts to the same thing, but different.  Why?  Because they are using a mindset that is part of neuropaths that only understand situations based on existing knowledge and experience – the first chance.  That is a formula to repeat the past.

To break a pattern of the past, you will need to work through the frustration and uncertainty like Tiger Woods did when he changed his swing.  And Tiger did not do it alone.  He had a coach to hold him accountable and observe when he returned to an old swing. 

If you want to break a pattern, it would be in your best interest to find someone to hold you accountable to a new way of being which will transform the way you think and act.  If you are looking for a second wind in your career or business, it could be critical to have someone who provides you with tools to make the transition to the next level as well as provide you with honest feedback.  With a new mindset, it’s kind of like you are doing something old for the first time.  

What do you think? I would love to hear your feedback. And I’m open to ideas. Or if you want to write me about a specific topic, let me know.


66 comments:

  1. Learning is not always a simplistic black or white approach; all of us needed mentors and guidance parents, teachers, Heros etc.from whom we acquired behaviour patterns and societal norms. We then translated what we learn and adapted new ways of doing things and in so doing we encounter the risks associated with change. Mistakes are not bad things if we all get the benefit ( sometimes we learn from others mistake ) and as cited with Tiger Woods, mistakes will be made repeatedly even when there is someone to guide you.
    It may be that each case has to be treated on its merit as individuals have different behaviour patterns and one size does not fit all.

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    1. Well said. One size doesn't fit all. I couldn't catch the resolution to the article. It only sited what we know already and that cliche is also our flaw as people.

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  2. Very thoughtful piece, Ted Santos. I completely buy into to your point that learning “what not to do” is not the same as learning “what to do”. Fortunately, our cognitive capabilities allow us to analyze our mistakes and, if the consequences are important enough to us, work to change the result. An example. When I first started playing baseball I made the mistake of missing the ball when I swung. Thank goodness my coaches gave me a second chance. Learning that missing the ball when I swung didn’t result in a hit wasn’t very useful, but learning what I did wrong, taking my eye off the ball, was extremely useful in learning how to hit. I’d prefer to live in a world where second chances are second nature and we help one another improve from our failures to achieve success.

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  3. There are too many assumptions in this writing. 1) The right employee was hired. 2) The right processes and procedures were in place. 3) The right manager is there to develop the individual. 4) The incentive plan is right. Ted needs to deal with the leadership question before he starts killing people off. My feedback: No applicable value. To your logic: Pointing out what's wrong is not the same thing as showing people how to fix it in practical, results-driven terms.

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  4. If "not giving a second chance" implies dismissing the person at fault, all organizations should be instantly dissolved; do you really know anyone who never made a mistake (except those who do nothing...)?
    So the more appropriate corollary might be: what do you suggest should be done to those who made an error?

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  5. Excellent essay! Somehow the “second chance” theme didn’t quite fit for me; “What to do? What to do?” as opposed to what not to do seems to be the real point. It’s a deeper thought and not intuitive. “I won’t do THAT again” is an answer, but doesnt point to what to do diffferent instead.

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  6. Interesting read! In my opinion, it focuses on a couple of key negatives that support a very important topic. Avoiding someone the opportunity to have a second chance stifles the concept of taking risks, being creative, not fearing failure(even though no one wants that). It is to conformist and this broad based approach would do more harm than good. One should consider many variables that might better determine who, what and why second and/or third chances should be considered.

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  7. there is no right and wrong answer on giving second chance, the empirical evidence for this argument "the divorce and crime/imprisonment rate" does not justify withholding on second chances, history is lined up with examples that shows how important it is to fail and keep trying, specially in areas where we are still learning. and even if the rate of success versus failure after being given a second chance is low(er) then what we want to it to be,in many cases the eventual success and it's benefits outweighs the number of trials

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  8. The essay defies logic. Differentiating between 'what to do' and 'what not to do' is unnecessary hair splitting. Take Steve Rosvold's baseball example; will there be any difference in the coach saying 'always watch the ball' or 'do not take eyes off the ball'? And of-course any good leader would ensure that the errant one is made to realize the mistake made and given some guidance to correct it. So the point that without coaching the same mistakes will be repeated is stating the obvious. And the point about unchanging mindsets; how about motivation, an the vital leadership function. A second chance is what everyone needs; denying one on the presumption that it will be a waste is pessimistic to say the least

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    1. In this baseball example, there is definitely a difference, and learning what "to do" in all situations is important. The subconscious is more open to positive input. If you say "remember to take out the trash" to your kid, he is more likely to remember (thought he still may not do it). However, if you say "don't forget to take out the trash", the subconscious files it as "forget to take out the trash". We humans have a hard time with negative programming. If we say what we want (instead of the infinite list of thing we don't want), we'll get better results and fewer disappointments.

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    2. interesting thought but we would need some evidence for this conduct! Instictively I agree but ....

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  9. Your article is 100% correct. But it would help readers if you could elaborate a bit more on neuroplasticity. Thank you.

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  10. I am so thankful for a second chance...in life! At one time, I made disastrous mistakes that cost me dearly. Through pain and serious reflection and time, I regained my confidence and rebuilt my life so much better than before. I've learned how to manage stress which led to my demise, and created better boundaries, and I'm simply more aware of the pitfalls and stay clear. Thank God for second chances if you're willing to take responsibility for what went wrong and put in the work to recover.

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    1. I'm so with you on this and commend you for persevering, myself as have made decisions that I'm currently recovering from. It has cost me dearly, in my personal life, and is temporarily keeping me from moving forward in my professional life. I am getting closer to closing this chapter and is in constant reminder of the second chance that I've been given,and I'm totally grateful. Accountability is great however it has to start with acceptance, forgiveness of yourself.

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    2. Here! Here! I, too, got a second chance and am so grateful for it. I am all for second chances...

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  12. I think you've set up a fine Strawman argument by using the complexities of marriage and recidivism rates, with the many complex dynamics at play in life and relationships such as we see with marriages, against some sort of stance with should take in general. The world can be a cruel place. We need more compassion (e.g. second chances), not less. Your argument makes this less likely to happen.

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  13. "If at first, you don't succeed ...." well, with commitment, motivation and mentoring, chances are you'll succeed second time around. I find the article has too many sweeping statements and is too simplistic in its assertions. "The One Minute Manager" states that "Feedback is the breakfast of champions." Giving the right feedback at the right moment and in the right manner justifies giving a second chance (and team development is a key management role). If we denied second chances, staff attrition rates would soar !

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  14. I agree with Maurice that this is not as black or white as it seems. I do give second chance for those good employees quiting the organisation after years trying themselves out in other realities or being tempted with the illusion of extraordinary chances which ones turn false in practice. By my experience they are the greatest ambassadors of the company values.
    I do give second chance in case of mistakes committed in good faith or by chance and I never give second chance for those who are cheating or violating basic rules internionally. So far this strategy worked reasonable well for me.

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  15. Well thought of!It is too important not only a)to realize what went wrong but 2)what is the right approach to correct it!

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  16. My experience both as a tennis coach and in business is that it is very much like selecting a song and the needle drops in to the groove and the song plays . We need to smooth out the old groove and re groove a new one so that when the needle drops into the groove the new song plays .
    Whilst smoothing out that old groove there comes a time when there is no groove at all and the needle skids around anywhere and in performance terms that means we actually perform worse because we are not doing what we did but we are not doing what we want .
    So slowly we re groove the new groove which takes time but it is quicker if you have someone watching you so that you practice it right for as the saying goes `practice does not make perfect only perfect practice makes perfect ` - it is possible to re groove the wrong groove or go back and re groove the old groove!!

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  17. Tiger's wife certainly didn't give him another chance.

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  18. What is missing from this article is a clear definition of "failure". In most cases "failure" is a relative term (but, granted, in some situations "failure" is absolute).

    In the scenario where relativity comes into play, the "failure" may very well be an issue for the assessor ("You're not doing it my way, therefore you fail"), so one must be introspective in order to determine where the cause of the problem actually lies. It may turn out that the state of "neuroplasticity" of the assessor does not allow an alternative solution to come into play.

    I also note that the numbers that are quoted are telling ... but they focus on the supporting argument only. For instance: "The divorce rate for first time marriages in the US is almost 50%". This means that over 50% of first-time marriages never end in divorce (perhaps that errors made by either or both parties in those unions were forgiven rather than legally prosectuted).

    "When it comes to the recidivism rate for criminal offenders, 47% for federal ... prisoners are arrested again" means that 53% of federal offenders are not arrested again. However, of the 47% that are recidivists it could transpire that they are forced back into crime because no-one gave them a second chance (unlike the 53% who have either improved in their skillset and avoided further capture or have learned a lesson from their incarceration).

    The article is certainly thought-provoking, and for that I thank the author. But I do not necessarily agree with the premise that a mentor is the only path forward: As alluded to at the beginning of my comment, a person's "failure" could be as a result of another person's perspective, meaning that mentors may also be more harmful than helpful.

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  19. Some questions we have to ask ourselves: Am I perfect? Have I learned from mistakes and Would I like to have a 2nd chance?
    In the first place the interpretation of the data is erroneous which is a dangerous thing and we start making wrong decisions. Was this a result of trying to fit the data into the hypothesis.

    Let's take the divorce statistics. 1st time 50% 2nd time 67% then 3rd time 74%. If you notice, the sample size being reduced to those who have problems. On the contrary, 33% of 2nd timers succeeded and 26% of the 'hard core serial' problems succeeded. This tells me that even the worst of us need not just a 2nd but also a 3rd chance. We are individuals and not statistics. There's always 2 sides to a coin but the question is which is more appropriate.

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  20. The Heroine's Journey (adapted from Maureen Murdock)

    STAGE

    1. SEPARATION FROM THE FEMININE

    2. IDENTIFICATION WITH THE MASCULINE & GATHERING OF ALLIES

    3. ROAD OF TRIALS, MEETING OGRES & DRAGONS (typically mistakes made, lessons learned, self growth)

    4. FINDING THE BOON OF SUCCESS

    5. AWAKENING TO FEELINGS OF SPIRITUAL ARIDITY: DEATH

    6. INITIATION & DESCENT TO THE GODDESS (more self growth)

    7. URGENT YEARNING TO RECONNECT WITH THE FEMININE

    8. HEALING THE MOTHER/DAUGHTER SPLIT (forgiveness and second chances)

    9. HEALING THE WOUNDED MASCULINE (more second chances)

    10. INTEGRATION OF MASCULINE & FEMININE (and making something positive of those second chances)

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    1. AGREE THAT FEMININE PART OR ROLE IS MISSING IN LIFE STYLE. FEELING CONNECTED IS THE BEST VIRTUE OF FEMININE. BE IN ALIGNMENT WITH FEMININE ENERGY. DONT INDULGE OR MISUSE PRESENCE OF FEMININE ENERGY IN LIFE..YOU CANNOT REACH THE PEAK WITHOUT BEING IN ALIGNMENT WITH THE FEMININE ENERGY. LIKE JESUS BORN TO MARY.VIRGIN. TWO IN ONE CONCEPT LIKE MOTHER MARY IN LINK WITH JESUS IN WOMB.. HOW HE GREW.. IS TO BE STUDIED. SOME SCRIPTURES ARE STILL ALIVE IN INDIA.

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  21. You open with the premise that marriage/divorce is an indication of failure and repetitive failure. That's really only valid if the second and third marriages are between the same people and if those people consider death as the only way to end a marriage and it not be a failure. Clearly, there are many who see it differently. You go on to write about the microwave mindset of society, which is an entirely different subject than whether a person can learn from failure. The point you are proving is that some people will prove over time that they will not accept responsibility, will not look inward for growth and are highly likely to repeat patterns of behavior. These people probably don't deserve a second chance. You have not come close to proving your hypothesis, which is that most people don't deserve a second chance.

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  22. I'm not sure I buy this argument. There is s a certain logic to the idea that "learning what not to do" is not the same as "learning what to do." But in human relationships, a "one strike and you're out" policy would either leave us alone or force us to constantly adjudicate the foibles of those around us. Does this error rise to the level of rejection? Does this one? How about that one?

    In fact, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if you haven't drawn entirely the wrong conclusion. This isn't about second chances at all. It's about an infinite number of chances--equal to the list of "things not to do." Doesn't the neuroplasticity argument make it society's fault if recidivism rates are high? Because the criminal "naturally" returns to what he knows unless the rest of us take responsibility for rehabilitation, instead of just punishment. (B.F. Skinner would likely approve.) Similarly, a company with effective hiring practices can't just fire people every time they fall short--or it would kill off any hope of entrepreneurial risk-taking.

    That doesn't mean I think everyone deserves a chance at rehabilitation. There are obviously some people whose neural pathways are too inflexible to be rehabilitated. So I suppose there has to be a willingness to be rehabilitated. So . . . second chances (and third, and fourth) for anyone who wants one?

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  23. I am not sure I would ever use Tiger Woods as a role model for learning. As with all statistics, its the detail behind the statistics that provides meaning and interpretation. To quote, "he uses statistics as a drunken man uses a lamppost, for support rather than illumination".
    Fundamentally, the biggest lessons in life are learned after a failure. But change is painful and exhausting and can lead to poor self esteem and lack of confidence. Also, human beings are highly variable and inconsistent. We are all subject to factors that alter our behavior and drive us to address similar challenges in different ways depending on a host of factors: did I have a good lunch, did my boss shout at me this am, did my child refuse to ty his shoelaces for the fifth morning in a row!
    Finally the world is a horribly complex place and open to interpretation. There often is no single definable truth. Marriage is a great illustrator of this. Couples often do not agree why the marriage ended...

    Fundamentally we have to forgive each other for not being perfect and consistent and try to learn from our mistakes - ultimately its our effectiveness over time that matters as this tends to smooth out the inconsistencies and vagaries of human behaviour.

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  24. If this is about giving a 2nd chance to yourself.... then ....I agree to move forward you need a Guru or what we call in western parlance ..... A life Coach or an Alter Ego. Going for a 2nd chance doesn't always help as a mater of fact it is a regressive step.

    If it is about people you are managing ..... that depend on a lot of factor's . But the main one being what is the level of competency and its impact on the process/business viability.

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  25. Thank you very much Ted for your thought provoking article and it persuade me to learn something on Neuroplasticity: The brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. Neuroplasticity allows the neurons (nerve cells) in the brain to compensate for injury and disease and to adjust their activities in response to new situations or to changes in their environment. https://www.medicinenet.com/medterms-medical-dictionary/article.htm

    Conversely to your opinion I believe we must always be gentle enough to offer a second chance to the person who made mistake, with a proper guiding and counseling. In doing so, we can stimulate the person's mindset(neuro cells) to come up with fresh ideas with different point of view.
    History reveals that this was practiced by great leaders. "Gauthama Buddha", who lived in around 6th century B.C. in India went to an extend to offer a Second chance to a serial killer called "Angulimala" who killed more than 1000 human beings.Nevertheless, of his wrong doings in the past he became an "Arhath" person (The state of being most virtuous) by proper guidance of the Buddha.
    Even in corporate environment if we create an environment for zero tolerance for mistakes, we tend to create an environment which is not conducive for creativity/ risk taking at all.
    Thank you

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  26. Yup, there may be infinite ways of what not to do, though insisting upon to find out what to do in a first attempt shall stiffle the innovations. Entire scientific developments be it pharmaceutical drugs, or even the device that we are reading this article was not discovered in the first attempt.
    Several complex learning requires a series of if's, and trial and error. Going by the author's logic none of such learnings would ever take place,as if a researcher meets the first trial failure, he won't be there to attempt it for a second attempt. As author has taken corollary from neuro plasticity to justify his argument. He has rightly defined the term but wrongly extrapolated it.
    Learning without error is impossible, only a perfectly enlightened individual can achieve the desired result in a single attempt.
    And perfection comes from several trials, all of the industrial era practices, which are used today in business practices were evolved over the decades and not acquired in a one go!

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  27. I like the quote " learning what “not to do” does not mean you know “what to do”.
    However, the above is a provocative piece of writing. Enjoyed reading it and I do concur with some parts above. The "heart" has to come in play in certain areas ....

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  28. You are right not to give a second chance to a criminal, but you do give a second chance to a kid when he/she makes mistake in math

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  29. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Ted. Perhaps the title should be reconsidered? Do we not create neuro-paths by repetition (second, third...”chances”)? Did Tiger Woods not have multiple “chances” to improve with the guidance of a coach?

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  30. What if I failed after doing exactly what you told me to? Are you going to keep me or to fire me?

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  31. Can this notion be applied across the board in life? For example, what about the young inventor who invents one or more items that have little or no practical value to society. However, at a later date they go on to invent electricity and much more such as Benjamin Franklin. And, I'm sure we all have stories about early failures in many other areas such as sports, startups, performers and more where the individual failed and then overcame that failure with success later in life.

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  32. I respect the notion presented and open the topic even further for additional comments. Thought provoking ideas are useful as it makes one pause and reflect (a rare thing nowadays if we go by the microwave analogy presented as people do not have time to pause and reflect). This article makes one wonder if what applies for sport with Mr. Woods as the example could be applied everywhere providing a few conditions are in place: a) understanding at the individual level of what it is one wants having learned from experience (one learns a lot from mistakes, falls and failures as one does from accomplishments, successes and living a dream for a while); b) learning that one coach or mentor is not enough (one needs at least four or five people throughout one's path (whether at work or on a personal level. For instance a good leader, a good manager, a good life and spiritual coach and then someone who brings the best in you that is not necessarily close to you but someone you interact with on a regular basis. From experience, to evolve one needs to love what one does or do one's trade well and be proud of what one does without expecting reward; another element is to lead by example; many people strive for excellence and excel at what they do and they are not necessarily in the headlines. Training your mind to think and act differently takes time, it is a process; it is up to each one of us to make that process a success or something else we learn from to become better overall not just at the workplace. Finding the right coach is critical and at times, one may find, that life itself manifests and presents situations where one meets people who end up playing the coach role in different aspects (some specific to immediate needs, others for mid-term to long-term purposes). I would not like to digress by indulging in divorce or crime statistics as these are not relevant for this forum although useful to illustrate the difficulty to 'adjust' one's mindset to a path of life-long learning and evolution as opposed to 'repeat mistake; or danger, mistake again'. Call me an idealist, I firmly believe that no one can operate alone and one needs to learn to ask for guidance at critical stages in life. This is perhaps one of the things that the previous generation is not passing to the new generation and an important thing. Thank you kindly.

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  33. A second chance yes. A third chance - no.

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  34. I enjoyed your piece, thank you. I think we need to identify the "poor golf strokes" in everyone and identify a mentor to hold their change accountable. On this basis, I would give others a second chance. After all, how many second chances have we been given and have honoured the opportunity graciously granted by others.

    This piece highlights the factors that prevent people from developing and offers us a conscious way forward in building more robust and effective relationships.

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  35. The tension I feel having read the story is between justice and mercy. I tend to prefer black and white consequences for good and bad behaviors. I am a justice kind-of-guy. However, I recognize that most of us have had a moment where someone showed us mercy and it made a big impact. I don't see this represented in the article.

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  36. Seeing this again, and keeping the spirit of the group's response brief; second chance yes; third or more "Houston, we have a problem". The world is not as black and white as the article portrays neither it can be measured by bringing up statistical elements that are not relevant to what happens in the workplace or in any industry per se (the illustration of sport, crime and marriage may not be adequate to justify why a second chance is a 'no'). Whoever wrote this has not lived long enough or not had to go through many falls in life or be betrayed by those one thought one could trust. I do not agree with this article and yet one could elaborate more seriously on something more appropriate to this forum. To those of you who know mercy, my applause; to those of you who, for valid reasons, do not show mercy; then I feel for you.

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  37. I've re-read this article a few times, to serve as a reminder about what TO DO, as opposed to what NOT to do. I think it makes it very clear, but like the "bad habits die hard" approach, creating new and better ones are equally difficult.

    Thanks.
    Lynn

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  38. I thank god and all the wonderful, smart people who have given me a 2nd, 3rd and ad nauseum...chances. They are what keep me going to the fulfillment of my life - however simple or sumptuous that may be. God bless those who kept their faith in me. And, may I remember and respond as long as I am capable to do so (i.e. alive). Thank you for the topic.

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  39. Very interesting article. Completely wrong approach to second chances with a terrible assumption that the only thing learned in failure is how to do it wrong.

    Nevertheless, I will offer it the benefit of the doubt and try this approach. I'm going to forego giving a second chances, and never read another article from Ted Santos again. He had his one shot to impress me and he failed. Next...

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    1. Boom! Right with you there. A fatuous piece of drivel and conflation that bears zero scrutiny.

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  40. Change is possibile. How? Key question! “The” solution does not exists. I suggest to use a mix of resources: consciousness of process through reflection, exercise NEW behaviour through repetition, be helped by a coach/facilitatore/OBSERVER...and take the risk... the result is

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  41. When you write about 1st, 2nd and 3rd marriage numbers are saying that with the 2nd marriage 33% are learning the lesson, and 26% for the 3rd merriage. So for 2 next tries almost 50% are learning the lesson.
    Taking to the point these numbers, I'd say 2nd and even 3rd chance is damn important for most people.

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  42. Fool me once and you're a fool. Fool me twice and I'm a fool. I don't give second chances. I'll forgive, but I always move on. People are who they are. Life is too short to wait around for someone to change. What's in them is in them.

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  43. Well, I would think the situation with ex criminals and prisoners is all together a different kettle of fish ...more about choices that they don't have - or the lack of opportunity to better themselves and integrate back to the families and communities and less about not being able to think or learn new ways....

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  44. Loved the approach and the detail to why we go back to old habits. I have found using a journal can be a form of that coach. You need a new habit to replace an old habit ~ Og Mandino. For me self reflection on a daily basis is a very economical approach while also keeping you honest to yourself. It is very easy to fall back into old habits. However, the trick if also to teach yourself you once learned how to do it the wrong way you can learn the right way with patience and reflection.
    Just my thoughts.
    Cheryl

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  45. Nice article, but I think it lacks depth. For starters, there are mistakes and there´s negligence...
    We cannot backup on statistics to judge second chances since human behavior statistically has no distribution. A divorce may have several rootcauses other than just one of the individuals.

    I still beleive in second and third chances when it comes down to mistakes, in the end, you still need to form your future excecutives somehow.

    As for negligence and betrayal, I think that should be zero tolerance, because they are councious acts.

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  46. If you just made this question for listening that everybody needs a second chance, you are right. I just can tell you about my experience. I have been given 2nd chances, and I gave also 2nd chances too, and I thank for the 1st and I don't regret for the 2nd. The overall result is positive and you must consider the possibility of giving a 3rd chance (man is the only animal that runs into the same stone 3 times). Just find the best way to solve the errors made. If you think your people do not need second chances because they don't make mistakes may be is because they are concealing them.

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  47. What a master piece of writing.
    What a saying I got from it, " They approach the 2nd chance with the mindset of 1st, and then history repeats itself.
    But to further classify I took the words from an anonymous comenter,
    "I still believe in second and third chances when it comes down to mistakes (during grooming and learning new situations), in the end, you still need to form your future executives somehow.

    As for negligence, betrayal and integrity, I think that should be zero tolerance, because they are conscious acts and reflect the mindset.

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  48. Brilliant! I think "If you want to break a pattern, it would be in your best interest to find someone to hold you accountable to a new way of being which will transform the way you think and act" is key!

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  49. So should inventors just not keep trying - nor receiving funding to keep trying?

    And... TIGER WOODS? As an example to hold up as an inspiring model of change, amid the year of the "Me, Too" grassroots campaign elevating women's issues? INSULTING!

    I guess you are saying HE should be given a second chance...

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  50. The flaw in using recidivism rates as an example, is that your data is from the United States, where I would argue that the nature of incarceration impacts those numbers immensely.

    If you were to use Norway's recidivism rate or 20% as your example, you might need to revise your argument entirely.

    Empirical evidence should be just that, and should not be confused with an opinion looking for a neatly aligned data set.

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  51. The stats on marriage is misleading when it comes to second chance. Most second marriages are based on lies and cheating. Person marries the person that they have been cheating with- hence I say foundation of that marriage is wrong hence chances of success are minimal

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  52. They should really WANT to change, to do it differently, and then to know how to do it differently. Otherwise it is impossible to beat the DNA. Basically, people do not change. If it is a random failure, then one should give a second chance, otherwise no.

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  54. Sorry, Ted, but you failed to convince me... and looks like you don't get another chance to do that.

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  55. Considering the concept of second chance, I feel that it include two type of situations .
    The first one is related to managing a new set of peaces of informations after a failure or training oneself to improve capabilities, or confronting relation with new persons.
    The second one is related to cultural or habits very strongly inerrant to ones’ personality.
    The first one is oriented to an evolution that include new brain connection and learning, the second is a rewrite of previous difficulties.
    To detect the difference is not easy and third party help may be necessary not to renew previous encrusted approach. That why the failure rate is not 100% for divorce.
    In some aspect success is link to giving up parts of previous security feeling that was involved in previous failure.

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  56. As, "UnknownJanuary 15, 2018 at 2:44 AM" says, those asking for a second chance MUST want to change, but also there is another effect that can come with a second chance and that is in the mind of the one granting it.

    Few people do favours without expecting something in return and a manager may build in expectation that granting a second chance gives them absolute power over the individual. A manager granting a second chance should make absolutely clear what the conditions of the second chance are otherwise they should not be in a position to make such decisions.

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  57. I love the provocative heading, Ted!

    The less provocative title asks: “Should You Give People a Second Chance?”

    The argument for not giving people a 2nd chance is well substantiated. History repeats and it appears most people are “hardwired” to retain their comfort zone stemming from patterns of familiarity.

    Giving people a second chance in business possibly depends on 3 things:
    1. The answers to pre-requisite questions to determine someone's insight and motivation for requesting a second chance; E.g. Do they demonstrate the capacity for reflection? A desire to improve...continuously?
    2. Ted’s recommendation – “to find someone to hold you accountable to a new way of being which will transform the way you think and act”
    3. Does the business have the know-how to accurately assess the questions and answers to # 1? If so, will they make wise investments to support employees who demonstrate a likelihood to make positive change?

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