Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Here’s Why Some People Will Never Be Emotionally Resilient

Emotions have nothing to do with emotional resilience. What’s called emotional resilience has everything to do with the conversations you have with yourself. Before there is an emotion, there is a thought. That thought dictates whether or not you have an emotion and what it will be. Therefore, it is the
thoughts you have that will determine how well you handle whatever happens in life.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I wrote an article about how to create a perfect relationship. In some circles, I received intense opposition. I was told that a perfect relationship was impossible and that I was a dreamer. Was that opposition a result of what I said? Or was it a reflection of the person’s thought process and what they have presupposed as impossible? I invite you to consider their opposition had nothing to do with the words I wrote. Their opposition was strictly a matter of their social conditioning.

With that said, whether we like or dislike what another says will almost never have anything to do with the presenter of the idea or the idea. It has more to do with how we see ourselves in relationship to what was presented. From there, we project ourselves onto the person or situation and that determines whether we have a positive or negative perspective. Once we see ourselves and the world a certain way, it becomes our reality. An example is the belief in a flat world. That belief comes with automatic constraints that don’t appear to be constraints. It appears to be reality.

French philosopher, Jean Paul Sartre, speaks in great detail about what happens when a person believes something. He says once a person believes life occurs a certain way, they will go to great lengths to prove their point of view is correct. For example, before the Wright Brothers invented a machine that could fly, others built machines to prove flying was impossible. When their machine failed to fly, they could say: “see I told you so. If man were meant to fly, he would have wings”.

This way of thinking is not only prevalent in personal relationships. It permeates the workplace.

As for the people who opposed my article about perfect relationships, their response is and will always be correct, as long as they see the world from their point of view. There is nothing anyone could say to them because they are already convinced that perfect relationships are impossible. In all likelihood, they have created relationships to prove they’re right. And as long as they see relationships that way, it will be impossible for them to create a perfect one.

From another perspective, the person opposing the possibility of a perfect relationship has not proved their point of view. They have simply declared it impossible.

If you listen to people carefully, you will see the results they produce or don’t produce are always exact correlates of what they say/declare to themselves and others. What you and I say to ourselves is so important that it may be the single most important factor when it comes to success of any kind. It’s not only what we say. It’s also what we never say. As Henry Ford says, 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.' Sometimes when we say we can’t, it is not because we have proof we can’t. It is the result of a belief that we don’t deserve the accomplishment, we are not good enough or our lives will be dominated or changed by money/success or even love. As you can see, once we buy into a negative belief, it’s difficult to break out, even if the same situation is positive for someone else.

If we are unable to distinguish what we say to ourselves, emotional resilience becomes very difficult. Therefore, it’s imperative to listen to the conversations you have with yourself before you agree or disagree with another. The same applies when you like or dislike a person or situation. In most cases, it almost never has anything to do with what is happening or being said to you. It most likely has to do with what the person or situation reminds you of. Furthermore, the idea of like or dislike has more to do with how your environment has conditioned you.

If you still doubt me, simply listen to the conversations you have about this article. 

What do you think? I would love to hear your feedback. And I’m open to ideas. Or if you want to write me about a specific topic, let me know.

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