It’s been a while since I’ve spoken with the man I consider to be the wisest in the world. As
usual, he filled my ears with his perspective about life and people. Today his concern was about a built-in
trap that is part of the human paradigm.
He said this trap is one that blinds people and makes them believe in
problems that don’t
exist. It may
be the source for all that has gone wrong with mankind.
He started with the following: When people assess life, they
take a point of view that is in their best interest. One problem with that is people are overly concerned about
their safety. For example, if a
man says hello to a woman walking down the street, she may respond with a
defensive attitude. Her concerns
are about her physical and emotional well-being. However, all the man did was say: “hello. How are you?”
The details of this woman’s thoughts are irrelevant. What’s important is where she is coming
from when she has her thoughts.
The place from where she comes is: 1. What’s wrong with me? 2. What’s wrong with him or her? 3. What’s wrong with it – the
system? When any of those three
thoughts dominate a person’s mind, the individual can no longer see what is
actually occurring in front of them.
They are only concerned with what’s wrong. In other words, they are blinded by fear. By focusing on what’s wrong, they
believe they will most effectively protect themselves from physical or
emotional threats.
The irony is she will be looking for something wrong in a man
who could be the man of her dreams.
Or he could have the next business opportunity.
From childhood, we are taught the dangers of speaking with
strangers. As adults, we never
grow out of that fearful mindset.
Many people never develop the skills to know the difference between good
and bad people. As a result, we
put everyone into the same bucket – everyone’s bad.
In some ways, this mindset is a form of insanity. Why? 1. If you look for something wrong, you will find it, even
when there’s nothing wrong. In the
example above, there is nothing wrong with saying “hello”. 2. In an attempt to protect one’s self,
one lashes out at people. In turn,
it is one’s incessant desire to protect oneself that makes them the
threat. The person from whom you
are protecting yourself then believes you are the threat. Their response is no different than
yours. They go down the same path
of looking for what’s wrong.
As you can see, the cycle becomes self-perpetuating. No one knows where it started and no
one can stop it. In fact, some
believe if they can find more wrong with you than they find with themselves,
they will be safe. That way they
can feel comfort in the fact you are more screwed up than they are. Unfortunately, many of those people
decide to marry one another.
As long as the individual continues to find something wrong
with people or situations, mankind will be in conflict. And telling people to stop thinking
that way is useless. Besides, if
you believe you have to stop thinking that way, you will only stop because you
think there is something wrong with thinking that way.
Instead, step back.
Then accept you have that mindset – everyday. Second, recognize there is nothing wrong with thinking that
way. It is what you were taught to
do from the day you were born.
Third, if that state of mind does not produce the life you want, think
about the mindset that will give you what you want. Fourth, unlearn what you’ve learned. Simply being aware will not help you
develop a new paradigm. You will
have to distinguish all the inherited beliefs that deal with the idea of what’s
wrong. Fifth, replace those old
conversations with new ones. While
this takes practice, it is worth the effort. Eventually you will see opportunities that were always there.
What do you think? I would love to hear your feedback. And I’m open to ideas. Or if you want to write me about a specific topic, let me know.
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