When 2 people meet, they assess one another to determine the value the other brings. They are both hoping the other will enrich their life or, in business, the corporation’s ability to fulfill its mission. The one who appears to lack value will eventually be dismissed from the relationship or fired from the company. Yet, many people spend more time setting themselves up to be dismissed because they focus on the wrong end of the relationship.
The 3 ways people destroy relationships are the result ofthe following:
- They test people – When you intentionally put a person in a situation to see how they react, you believe their reaction will provide beneficial information towards your ability to assess them. In most cases, it has the opposite effect. Whether you’re the boss or the recipient of someone’s romantic advances, your desire to test the person sends the wrong message. If you’re the boss, it may send a message that you don’t trust your people. Eventually, your people will resent you and take actions to get back at you. Being the boss may give you the upper hand temporarily. However, you will lose out when your best people leave. If you hired them, you should trust they are able do the job without being tested by you.
In a romantic relationship, testing can backfire. While you are testing, the other person is not
learning whether or not you can enrich their life. In fact, when you are testing a person, you are
not bringing value to them. Your desire to test can breed resentment and eventually leave the
person thinking you have nothing to offer.
In both cases, testing people is an underhanded way of trying to prove something is wrong with
the other person.
- They expect people to think like them – Your view of the world is unique. Even brothers and sisters who grew up in the same family have a different perspective of the family’s dynamics. Neither view is better than the other’s. Therefore, when you meet people in business or personal, it would seem difficult for one person to expect others to think and react to situations the same as them. Unfortunately, people expect others to see the world the way they do. Furthermore, they expect others to read their mind.
German philosopher, Martin Heidegger, says in his book, Being and Time, no human
being can truly have perception of another. It is impossible to know exactly how another person
sees a situation. As a result, the most you can do is project yourself onto another person with the
belief it is perception. Once you understand your perception is merely your projection of your
own thoughts and experiences, you can be responsible for miscommunication.
- They lack compassion – As long as people have their own unique view of the world there will be miscommunication and mistakes. If you test a person to prove something is wrong with them or you are angry because they do not see the world the same as you, you may lack the compassion that is required to bring people closer together. It is not about being the perfect human being. Nor is it about taking the right action. It is more about understanding people and treating them the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated.
view of yourself and the world. It provides you with the opportunity to learn more about others
than you would normally learn.
There are better ways to get to know someone and assess their value. Compassion is one path and it encourages cooperation which can be empowering for all parties involved. If you truly want to see how another person operates under pressure, set a goal that the 2 of you can accomplish together. It will create a stronger bond and foster cooperation. And you just might learn something about yourself that you didn’t know before meeting that person.
What do you think? I would love to hear what you think. Or if you want to write me on a specific topic, let me know.